Being a world famous DJ isn’t just about flying all over the planet with your laptop and getting paid mad cash play songs. If you asked 99.9% of aspiring DJ’s to tell you why they want to be in the game, it’s almost never ‘about the music’ and almost always ‘about the life’ – here are 8 major perks of being a world famous DJ that will make you reconsider your chosen profession. Shout out also to the bonus perk of never getting bored Googling yourself – just look at that Kill The Noise golden-meme-nugget above.
8. Groupies – Male and Female
Although female groupies are traditionally thought of in this context, male groupies can also be fun and helpful. You know the Nervo girls are rolling around with a mad male groupie constituency, and for the straight guy DJ’s out there, male groupies can be highly useful for basic errands and self-esteem boosting wherever needed. Need your cigarette lit mid-set? NO PROBLEM AT ALL, MAN, I FUCKIN’ LOVE YOU, DOG. The girl on the far left is so fucking jealous she can barely see.
7. Free Shit Erryday
The minute you become a world famous DJ, people will be pouring out of the woodwork to endorse you with various products you may or may not want. However, the clothing endorsement is the crown jewel of them all, ensuring that you’ll never have to do laundry as long as you continue to be culturally relevant.
6. Getting To Pal Around With Other World Famous DJ’s
Becoming besties with other world famous DJ’s is a huge perk of being on the circuit – all your heroes could one day be just a text away. Maybe it would be something like this:
Hardwell: Hey T – how you doing man?
Tiesto: (texts back in Terminator voice) I’m keeping busy touring the world and making beats. I hope you are good, friend – maybe we can meet in Dubai for a sandwich this winter. They have the best sandwiches there.
Hardwell: Totes, I will have my people call your people. Miss u bro.
Tiesto: Miss you more, brosephine.
5. Asking For Absurd Items In Your Rider
After Steve Aoki’s rider was released to the public last year, Dillon Francis one-upped him by releasing one of the most absurd riders to ever grace the EDM sphere. I’d like to be the guy going down the list to decide what’s feasible and what has to be a joke since, technically, if the rider is unfulfilled, the artist is usually not contractually obligated to perform. I could definitely get him a gun and the promoter’s girlfriend’s phone number.
4. Never Being Lonely
If all your famous DJ friends are busy that day, don’t worry. Social media has opened up the world of the artist such that you never have to be lonely, your fans are always right there, clawing at each other to be first to like your post or make a comment. Be as emo or silly as you want, as long as you’re not a crazed dick they’ll still love you. Or if you do have a bit of a crazed dick streak in your social media presence, you can offset that by performing in a large, swollen-head-covering apparatus of any sort.
3. Letting Your Manager Handle It
No world famous DJ is complete without a proper handler – every Skrillex needs a Road Hog, every Diplo a rock-solid industry guru with a funnier Twitter account than he has (you should absolutely follow @KevinKusatsu). Who’s going to get you to your flight on time? Make sure you have your headphones? Throw that wasted groupie out of your trailer? You think you’re going to do it yourself? BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA.
2. Getting the call from Diplo, “Yo – you wanna paintball today? Jet picks you up in 30.”
You know you’ve hit the big time when you start getting invited to participate in wild and expensive adventures with other world famous DJ’s. When Diplo calls to say the jet is on it’s way to pick you up for a paintball and cocaine adventure with high-end prostitutes in Columbia, you’ll know you’ve officially arrived.
1. Having A Built-In Excuse To Be Outrageous All The Time
Not only are you an artist and thus worthy of never having to live up to the societal expectations of regular people, you’re also a WORLD FAMOUS FUCKING DJ, which means you can do whatever you want all the time. It’s true, and you can get other people to go along with it! This is the nature of celebrity – regardless of form, you can be like, “Hey we’re all going to get naked and take a photo in front of all the booze in the green room – who’s in?” and the people around you will follow suit or run for their lives. Either way, you get to keep being outrageous, get paid, and have excuses made for your otherwise unreasonable behavior.