(Not pictured: Your future self, crying in the back because you have no way home)
You’ve been starving yourself for 3 months now, making Spotify playlists of EDC artists, and really, really focusing on making sure your pasties stay in place all night. Nobody is as ready as you are!
Electronic prom is here, the most amazing night of your life, the one you’ll think back to when your future kids wear their jackets inside out and say, “You partied like that?” However, more often than not, you get to EDC and not everything goes as you planned. Like a neon Bear Grylls, you’ll have to make it through the night fighting crowds, dehydration, and the shin-kicking shufflers – and you’ll have to do it alone. This is the definitive Survival Guide to EDC Las Vegas 2013.
(Anyone who went last year knows all too well what happens when a plan falls apart)
2011 was a bad year for festivals and stages. In the span of two months, four stages collapsed causing concern for future festivals. Lo and behold, EDC 2012 was wisely shut down early on Saturday due to high-speed winds. Politics aside, it is important to know that plans can change immediately and that you may have to turn into a Syrian refugee (too soon?) to get back home.
Unless you somehow manage to get a ride home with Tiesto in a helicopter, you may very well be stranded for a very long time. Know your exits, talk to Insomniac crew and staff, and DO NOT LISTEN TO RUMORS MADE BY PEOPLE IN TUTUS. You and your friends’ safety is ultimately the number one concern at all times. Luckily for all of us, unlike hip-hop shows where they shoot one another, PLUR becomes apparent in times of crisis. I remember numerous instances of people helping random strangers out by overloading cars and buses to get the stranded candy ravers home.
Your Hearing & You
stab their ears use earplugs at a Bieber concert)
Your hearing loss and your high STD count have something in common – they’re easily prevented. Believe it or not, a pair of $2 earplugs will protect your hearing incredibly well from the jet-engine loudness you’ll be subjecting yourself to (pro-tip: try to get the highest Db level). I use these.
“B-b-b-but mista, I like the feeling of the bass on my ears!” – said everyone who’s never used a good pair of earplugs. That logic is equivalent to not wrapping your tool up on the set of Jersey Shore. Sure it feels good, but if you go long and hard (…) for 3-days in a row, you’ll develop tinnitus and no one wants their bell rung for good (does “It’s All Gone Pete Tong” sound familiar to anyone?).
(This bee (?) pollinates flowers)
Simply put, god help you if you wear sandals. Don’t fuck your pedicure up; wear comfy sneakers (we hear fuzzy boots are all the rave nowadays, pun intended). When debating about clothes, be sure to take into consideration that you’ll either be hot or cold at some point in the night so prepare accordingly.
(Lizard brain says yes, Denny’s Manager says no)
Everyone is always so amped up on the party portion that they totally forget about the aftermath. Remember, it might be a little hard to blend in on the Vegas strip after all that hard work you put in to express yourself with your costume (be on the lookout for the guy dressed as a mix between Winnie the Pooh, Captain Planet, and Barak Obama. That’s me). Consider stashing some normal people clothes in the car or bag for when you go home. The Johnsons don’t want to have to explain to little Timmy what pasties are at a Las Vegas Denny’s at 8am (that said, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened in Vegas).
Did you miss part 1?
Also, check out our guide to EDC’s Las Vegas Day Parties next!
Follow Max Engoian on Twitter for more hilariously helpful EDC hints and other random shenanigans.